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I started reading 50 shades of grey tonight

Hopefully It will inspire me to write a good story. I planned on writing one tonight, but I will hold off for a little bit. Hope you all look forward to it!

- john

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My declaration to you.

When I met you, I was desperate for love. I was desperate for someone to pay attention to me, for someone to want me. I’m sorry I messed up, I’m sorry I stranded you. I’m sorry I looked over you. I’m sorry I threw myself at you. I’m sorry for everything that happened with Alex. I’m sorry for crying right now. It’s just that you are the only thing that makes me happy, and being without you right now hurts. I’m sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, I know you don’t think so but you are. I could never be as kind and loving as you are. I want to give you everything I can, you deserve everything and so much more. I can’t even describe how much I love you. I know I tell you every day, a billion times a day but I only do it so you don’t forget. I cry almost every night because I miss you so much. I worry about the future, about what will happen with us. I know we will be together but I just don’t know where my career is going. But I do know I’d throw it away to be with you. I really just needed this to let my feelings out, sometimes it’s hard to say out loud. Everyone makes me crazy, but you make me feel so calm and it feels so nice to finally be myself. You are my guardian angel and I wish I could drive to you right now so I can just hold you. Just to feel you in my arms and never let go. I’d rather cry in your arms than alone in my room. You are everything I’ve waited for my whole life. I thought I had everything I wanted but I was wrong. I went through so much pain but I know it was all worth it because I met you. I’m so glad you took me back last year on my birthday, because that was the biggest mistake of my life. I’m glad you have faith in me. You believe in me so much, and no one has believed in me like you do. I try so hard to make everyone in my life happy, but you say that me just being me is enough. I can make you smile just by being me, by being querky and weird and silly. You are so perfect, in every way possible. I don’t know how you do it, you can calm me down when I’m the angriest I’ve ever been. Not even my own family can do that.

I guess all I really wanted to say was that I love you, I haven’t said it enough to you today. Only a few times isn’t enough. And I really miss you. I know I’m seeing you on Friday, but I already know half a day isn’t enough. ); Please just hold me as much as you can, I really need it. ); I’ll try to stop crying soon, I’ll call you soon.

You have a beautiful soul. I love you so much John.

Love<3 Jane